Do Ask, Do Tell, Let's Talk

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Author: Brad Hambrick


Why and How Christians Should Have Gay Friends

This book was not on my radar until a friend came to me and said, “Would you be willing to write a book on how conservative Christians can have gay friends without compromising their own convictions? I think that kind of book is missing and it’s not something we handle effectively in the church. I think you have a tone in dealing with sensitive subjects that could navigate the topic well.” My initial answer was, “Thank you for the encouragement, but I don’t think I’m passionate enough about the subject to write a book on it.” But as I listed to the debates in the Christian blogosphere, I realized my non-passion might be an asset; from my perspective, this is a subject about which we need less debating and more conversation, less antagonism and more friendship.

My greatest prayer for this book, therefore, is that God would use it to equip the church to build bridges of friendship in order to care well for two groups: Christians who experience unwanted same-sex attraction, and non-believers who did not find the fulfillment they hoped in embracing a gay identity. When those conversations are being had in living rooms and coffee shops, maybe it could even change the tone of conversation on social platforms and debate panels. —Brad Hambrick


About the author:

Brad Hambrick (M.Div., Th.M.) is Pastor of Counseling at The Summit Church in Durham, NC. He also serves as an adjunct professor of biblical counseling at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary and as a council member on the Biblical Counseling Coalition. 


“This is a book the church has desperately needed for some time. It is simply excellent. It will challenge you and guide you in navigating in a more Christlike manner the host of questions surrounding same-sex attraction and the local church.”  ~Danny Akin, President, Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary

“To stand on what we believe is clear in Scripture, and to be a friend, at the same time – this book is an important next step for Christian literature on same-sex attraction. It doesn’t simply guide us in wise engagement; it guides us in friendships where there is mutual enjoyment and appreciation. And Brad does this in such a way that he doesn’t cut any theological corners but makes such friendships a necessary expression of our theology.”  ~Ed Welch, counselor and faculty member, Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation

“Whenever Jesus encountered a sexual minority, he responded with love and friendship instead of shame.Only there, in the safety of a non-condemning presence, were these image bearers able to engage their wounds, sins and regrets. In Do Ask, Do Tell, Let’s Talk, Brad Hambrick helps us see how we, too, can create safe space and belonging for our LGBTQ friends. And why would we do this? So that these friends, too, can encounter the grace and truth of Jesus. I highly recommend this book.”  ~Scott Sauls, senior pastor, Christ Presbyterian Church, Nashville; author, Jesus Outside the Lines: A Way Forward for Those Who Are Tired of Taking Sides

“Let’s face it, in this area the church has at best missed an opportunity and at worst grieved God through our ignorance, fear, or condemnation of not just the sin, but the person struggling.  Brad Hambrick has written a much-needed response to the question, how does a Christian interact with love and help someone struggling with same-sex attraction? His book gives us an opportunity to try again, but this time we will be equipped with compassion, biblical helps, and hope.  If you struggle with SSA or know someone who does, this book could start a journey  toward the light of God’s truth and love that will humble the helper and encourage the struggler.”  ~Garrett Higbee, Author of The Uncommon Community: Biblical Soul Care for Small Groups, Board Member of the Biblical Counseling Coalition

“If you are looking for a book that simply equips you to make a friend, love a neighbor, and if God and your friend are willing, see somebody you care about come to Christ, this  is it. Winsome it is.”  ~Sam R. Williams, Ph.D., Professor of Counseling, Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary

“Few people have the ability to pack as much content into a book as my friend, Brad Hambrick. The message and content of this book is one which the church desperately needs. All of us need to be better equipped in the area of ministering and be-friending those who struggle with same-sex attraction. Brad’s work is not only comprehensive and biblical, it comes from the heart of a pastor-counselor whose admirable humility in approaching a potentially polarizing topic shines through. This is the book I needed to read, and I trust it will become a go-to resource for you as well.”  ~Jonathan Holmes, author, The Company We Keep: In Search of Biblical Friendship; Biblical Counseling Coalition Council Member

“Finally, a practical book that helps us engage people as Jesus would! Brad Hambrick captures the heart of what it means to invite into dialogue and relationship people who you might otherwise see as so unlike you that you may not know how to begin a substantive conversation. Do Ask, Do Tell, Let’s Talk teaches the lost art of how to talk with people, draw them out, get to know their story and, therefore, know their heart . . . all of which makes fertile soil for the gospel to take root and flourish!”  ~John Freeman, President, Harvest USA; author, Hide or Seek, When Men Get Real with God about Sex

Do Ask, Do Tell, Let’s Talk comes forth with impeccable timing to the evangelical Christian church and modern day culture by providing a pathway for engagement in safe, healing, and equipping conversations.  This brief, yet comprehensive and biblically robust book gently confronts the “elephant in the room” while answering questions about friendship, homosexuality, gender identity, and same-sex attraction.  I highly recommend it to men, women, students, youth workers, pastors, churches, educators, and leaders as well as anyone looking for answers to this vital topic.”  ~Dr. Dwayne R. Bond, Lead Pastor of Wellspring Church; CEO and Founder of Proximus Group